The Adventures of Edward and Jacob
by ladybell
Summary: As a result of a new treaty created by Carlisle and Sam, Edward and Jacob must endure a cross country road trip...WITHOUT killing each other. Can they do it?
1. The New Treaty

I thought it would be fun to show another side of Edward and Jacob that we haven't seen before. Maybe, just maybe, they'll get through this… I wish I was responsible for the genius that is known as _Twilight_, _New Moon_, and _Eclipse_, but I'm not. All major characters are the creation of Stephenie Meyer.

And now, your feature presentation…

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**The Adventures of Edward and Jacob**

Chapter 1: The New Treaty

Edward's Point of View

I can't believe I got talked into doing this. Maybe talked isn't the right word I'm looking for. How about "forced"? Yeah, that seems more like it. As part of the new treaty created by Carlisle and Sam, I am supposed to ride around the country with none other than Jacob Black. How can it get any worse than this? Oh, it does. We're supposed to ride around in my Volvo WITHOUT killing each other. How much tougher can this be?! Ugh, I already can't stand the smell of werewolf, and you expect _me_, innocent little me, to get along with the man…err…dog...wolf…whatever you wanna call him …_enemy_. And he wanted to take my Bella away from me. We'll see about that.

I'm only doing this for Bella. I love her so much that I'm willing to do anything for her. Plus, I get the notion that she wants to see if I can pass this little test before marrying her. It'll take all the energy and strength that I have, but I'm willing to do it. I'm not so sure about Wolf Boy.

Carlisle received a call from Sam one morning, telling me that today was the "big day." Big day for what? The apocalypse? When all hell breaks loose? Sure. I put my rather large suitcase in the trunk and made sure that all of my CDs were in the car. From the looks of it, this is gonna be a _long_ trip.

Before I knew it, I saw Jacob's Rabbit pull into the drive way. How'd he find this place? Oh wait. I remember. Never mind that.

"How's it goin'?" he asked with a goofy little smile.

"Great," I lied.

"Awesome. Have any room in the trunk for my stuff?"

"Yeah."

Then, he pulled out three massive suitcases. I have no idea what he put in there. Grooming supplies? Wolf food? And I thought I was pack rat. (Heh, rats…)

"Umm…I don't know how you're gonna be able to fit everything in there," I said.

"I'll find a way," he said. Then, he slammed himself down on the suitcases in the trunk, trying to compact everything, forcing my poor car to go down near the pavement of the driveway.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Don't damage my car, alright?"

"Don't worry about it," Jacob reassured me. "I managed to stuff one of these cases full of tools from Billy's garage."

At least he's making himself useful.

After one more slam, everything was in place. I said goodbye to my family for possibly one last time, not knowing if I'll be able to face them in a sane state ever again after this trip. Then, I had to make one last stop.

"Where are we going?" asked Jacob as soon as we got in the car.

"You'll see," I replied, nonchalantly.

As soon as we were in Forks, he knew. I had to say goodbye to my Bella.

I knocked on the door, and she immediately opened it.

"Edward!" she screamed happily as she came into my arms. I could tell Jacob didn't like it, but I didn't care. I gave her a kiss just to tick him off.

"I hate you," he muttered.

"Be nice, Jacob," Bella said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Alright."

"I expect you boys to be on your best behavior."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, saluting her.

She hugged me again and kissed me again. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I looked into her eyes. "Be safe, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"Call me if you need anything."

"I will."

I heard Jacob cough out loud.

"What about me?" he pouted.

"Don't get into any trouble," replied Bella.

"I don't get any 'I love you's' either?"

After a chuckle, she said, "No."

Gosh, I love her.

She did, however, hug him and kissed him on the cheek. "Have fun, boys. I'll see you when you get back."

"Bye!" we said, walking out the door.

Jacob got into the car, but I couldn't help myself. I needed one more kiss. I could picture Jacob squirming in his seat.

"Hit the road already before you waste any more time," Bella ordered.

"Okay." I had to give in. "Bye."

"Bye."

Jacob's Point of View

Well, that was utterly painful. "Bye," "I love you," "call me", "be safe"…will you hurry up already?! It's bad enough that we have to do this. Plus, Edward just _had_ to kiss Bella in front of me. Way to rub it in, dude.

So the bloodsucker finally made it to the driver's seat. Finally! We can leave now!

Then what does he do? He inserts a CD into his stereo, and what comes out? Classical. Are you frickin' kidding me? Multiple hours of this? I'd rather shoot myself now, thank you very much.

"Why this?" I whined.

"What? Do you have a problem with it?" he asked.

"Well, it's just…BORING."

"I'm sorry _Claire de Lune _doesn't fit your taste."

"Ugh."

He pulled out of the driveway, and when he wasn't looking, I changed the music to the radio.

"Alright!" I exclaimed. "This is my song! _I'm bringing sexy back…_"

Then, it was his turn to change it on me.

"Oh no, you're not!" Edward snapped. "Not while I'm driving."

"Why?"

"Because you're supposed to come back alive and all in one piece."

"Are you jealous of Justin Timberlake?"

"NO!"

I think someone's a little jealous…

"Then, what do you have against 'SexyBack'?" I asked, curiously.

"I didn't know that sexy was gone, and I certainly didn't know that he was bringing it back," he replied bitterly.

"Touché, touché."

I changed the station, and a new song came on. Maybe he'll like this better…

_I've got friends in low places…_

"Absolutely NO country!"

"Alright, fine." Someone's a little picky.

Then, he changed the station.

_Don't stop __believin__'…_

"Not Journey!" I whined.

"Okay then."

Oh yeah, this is gonna be a _long _trip. If we ever decide on a song that we both like, hell has definitely frozen over.

Just when I thought all hope was lost, a miracle happened.

_When the sun shines, we'll shine together  
__Told you I'll be here forever  
__Said I'll always be a friend  
__Took an oath__ I'm__a stick it out 'til__ the end  
__Now that it's raining more than ever  
__Know that we'll still have each other  
__You can stand under my umbrella  
__You can stand under my umbrella  
__(Ella __ella__ eh __eh __eh)  
__Under my umbrella  
__(Ella __ella__ eh __eh __eh)  
__Under my umbrella  
__(Ella __ella__ eh __eh __eh)  
__Under my umbrella  
__(Ella __ella__ eh __eh __eh __eh __eh __eh)_

Yes, that's right. We agreed on a song. Hell has definitely frozen over. Maybe this trip won't be so bad after all…

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Author's Note: The songs mentioned here are "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake, "I've Got Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks, "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, and "Umbrella" by Rihanna. Plus, I can't forget about Debussy's "Claire de Lune." 


	2. Are We There Yet?

I just want to say "thank you" to everyone who read and commented. I want to give you all a big hug. :)

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Chapter 2: Are We There Yet? 

Edward's Point of View

Jake and I finally were on the freeway; it felt like eternity since it took us forever to agree on a song. Who knew a simple song about a simple little instrument to keep you dry from the rain would unite me and the wolf? So much for the vampire-werewolf rivalry.

"So, Eduardo," began Jacob, trying to start a conversation. "How's it goin'?"

"Umm…fine," I replied. _Eduardo?! _What the heck?

"I wonder what location Bella has picked out for us first."

"What?" I nearly came to a complete stop in the middle of the freeway.

"Didn't you know? Bella's picking out all of our stops for us."

"Since when?"

"Uh…since the new treaty was drafted."

"Well, I didn't know about it."

"Didn't you read the fine print?"

"No…" Oh crap. "I didn't think I needed to."

Jacob started laughing. "And how long have you been alive again?"

"Oh, shut up." I know, I know. I'm a failure.

"Really, how long have you been alive again?"

I hesitated. "Since 1901."

I could just imagine the look on his face.

"Ha!" he laughed. "You're an old fart!"

"I'm not an old fart!" I insisted. "Do you see any wrinkles on this face?"

He was laughing hysterically. "No."

"There you have it then."

He wouldn't let it go though. "You're an old fart! You're an old fart!"

He was trying my patience. "Listen, one more chant of 'you're an old fart', and we're turning this car back around to La Push and Forks. You understand?"

"Alright, alright." He put his hands up in the air as if he were surrendering. "We're good."

"Good."

After a moment, I regained my cool.

"So, what place does Bella want us to go to?" I asked him.

"Santa Barbara, California."

That seemed like a random place. "Why there?"

"She has an aunt out there who teaches at UC-Santa Barbara."

"And she wants us out there because…."

"I have no idea."

Hmm…this could get interesting.

Jacob's Point of View

So he didn't read the fine print. That's a first. He's usually on top of everything else. I'm the reliable one for a change. Yes! Then again, the guy's been around for 107 years. I gotta give Grandpa a break. (Why does Bella want to marry a grandpa again?)

Anyway…

After telling Edward our desired destination, there was nothing but dead silence. I looked through his CD collection, and there was nothing that I liked. Maybe for Linkin Park, but I wasn't really in the mood to listen to it. Plus, we were getting crap reception on his radio. Maybe I need to talk him into getting one of those satellite radios. So to spice things up a bit, I thought I'd annoy him with the oldest trick in the book, commonly used by little children.

"Are we there yet?" I asked.

"Not yet," he replied.

Five minutes later…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Four minutes elapse…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Three minutes…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

I could tell he was getting a bit irritated. But not irritated enough.

Two minutes…

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

His fists were tightening around the wheel.

One minute…

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

Tehe. This was fun.

Thirty seconds…

"Are we there yet?"

"NOOOO!!!!"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"For the last time, NO! And if you ask me that again, I'm gonna turn you into a steak dinner!"

"Okay, okay. I'm done." For now.

We drove in peace for another minute or so.

"So," I began, "are we th-"

I didn't even finish "there", and he pulled over to the emergency lane and put on his emergency lights.

"Look, Jacob," he said, trying his best to not slap me across the face. "We have a treaty to adhere to. Let's just say that it's really hard to do that at the moment without leaving you in one piece. Now can we get along like mature adults here?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Good."

With that, he pulled over to the actual freeway again. I never thought that I'd actually say this, but can someone please put on _Claire de Lune_? Dang it, he's becoming an influence on me!

I looked at the speedometer and saw that we were going over 100 miles an hour.

"That's hardcore, man," I stated, in awe.

"What?" he asked.

"Your speed."

"Thanks. I try."

"Ever been caught by the cops?"

"Nope, but if I do, I think I can talk my way out of it."

Maybe…if it were a female cop.

I'm assuming we've been going around 100 for a few hours or so (I hadn't really been paying attention) because before I knew it, I heard "now we're here."

It's about time.

"So, what now?" he asked.

"I don't know," I honestly replied. "But let's find out."

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	3. We Predict a Riot

I just want to thank each and every one of you who read, commented, and favorited this story. It means so much to me. I never thought people would like it this much. If I could, I would take you all out for some pizza and ice cream. And maybe we could possibly look at some Porshes. Who knows:P I'm sorry for the wait in updating. I had a pretty chaotic week, so I made this update a bit longer than the others. Enjoy!

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Chapter 3: We Predict a Riot

Edward's Point of View

I pull up into a visitor's parking lot at UC-Santa Barbara when I receive a phone call from Bella.

"Hey, Edward," she greeted me sweetly.

"Hi, Bella," I greeted to her. I saw Jacob's eyes light up, that annoying little dog.

"How are you boys doing?"

"Good."

"That's great. Where are you now?"

"We're in a parking lot. Umm…just out of curiosity, why did you have us go all the way to Santa Barbara to visit your aunt?"

"She happens to be the head of the English department. You see…she's expecting you."

"What?!" Creepy!

"It's a long story, Edward. Maybe Aunt Mary can explain it to you better than I can. I don't wanna waste your minutes."

"Bella, I've saved a lot throughout the century. I think I can afford it."

I heard her laugh. "Okay. Go to the visitor's center, and ask the people at the front desk where to find Dr. Mary Swan. She'll probably be in her office before class starts. Tell Jacob 'hi' for me, and I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Jacob tried to sneak in "I love you, Bella!" He was too late though because I hung up. I'll get him back for that…and the "are we there yet's." Reluctantly, Jake and I got out of the car and went to the visitor's center. The girl at the front desk, I'm assuming she was also a student, dropped her phone as soon as we walked in. I'm guessing it's my gorgeousness…or Jacob's hideousness.

"C-can I help you?" she managed to stutter.

"Yes," I said. "We're wondering where we could find Dr. Mary Swan."

"She's expecting us," added Jacob.

"Yes." The girl nodded. She pulled out a map and showed us the way to the English building. "Her office is Room 403."

"Thank you," I said.

The girl nodded. As Jake and I walked to the door, I could hear her thinking, "Gosh, those guys are hot." I laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Jacob.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"Right…"

"I just heard her thoughts."

"And…"

"She thought we were hot."

"Yes!" He did a mini celebration dance. "Think I could get her phone number?"

"Jacob!" I scolded. "We're here on a mission. Now if we finish early, you could try." Yeah right. I have better chances winning the lottery.

"Alright, alright."

"Now try to make yourself useful and hold the map as I try to find the English building."

We got back in the car and drove around. Luckily, we didn't get lost, and we were also able to find parking. As soon as we got out of the car, I heard a bunch of girls whispering really loudly. They were looking at us, too.

"Jake, what's going on?" I asked.

"No idea," he replied. "Do they think we're hot, too?"

"Will you stop thinking about that? There's more to life than girls."

"True. There's pizza, too."

"Ugh."

We went into the building and quickly climbed four flights of stairs. There, we made our way to Room 403. I was about to knock on the door when it was suddenly opened.

"You must be Edward and Jacob! Hi, I'm Bella's aunt, Mary." She extended her hand.

"Yes, I'm Edward," I said, shaking her hand.

"I'm Jacob," he introduced himself, shaking her hand as well.

"Bella has told me so much about you both."

"I'm flattered, Dr. Swan," I said.

"No, please call me Aunt Mary," she corrected. "After all, Edward, you'll soon be a part of the family as well."

I swore I heard Jacob growling underneath his breath. Aunt Mary didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, Aunt Mary," I began. "Bella said you were expecting us. What is the exact reason why you wanted us here?"

"You don't know?" she asked, shocked.

"No," replied Jacob.

"Well, have a seat." She motioned to the two chairs in front of her desk. "This might take awhile."

Oh great. What could this be?

"You see, there has been a book written about you both called _Twilight_," she began. "It includes your whole family, Edward, and Bella and Charlie and Renee and you too, Jacob, along with the pack. Even the Volturi. The book has been so successful that the author decided to write other sequels to it, and it even has an international fan base."

Jacob and I just looked at each other, trying to soak everything in.

"So, we're famous?" asked Jake.

"Yes," replied Aunt Mary.

"Alright!"

"Hold it," I interrupted. "How does this person know so much about us? Did we get exploited somehow? Did someone expose us?"

"No." I could see Aunt Mary trying to come up with an explanation without offending us both. "The author had a dream one night about a vampire confessing his love to a mortal girl. She decided to write down that dream, and that eventually turned into the book. However, what makes this case extremely rare in comparison to other forms of literature is that every character and detail is true. She thought she was writing fiction when in fact her subjects and facts were true."

I sat there for a minute. Over the years, I've seen some crazy stuff, but never in my wildest dreams, when I still had dreams, did I ever believe that something like this would ever happen.

"Are you okay?" asked Aunt Mary.

"Umm…yeah. I'm just a bit shocked," I replied.

"I understand that."

"Is that all you wanted to see us for?" asked Jacob.

"As a matter of fact, no, it is not."

What? As if this book wasn't a big enough shock…

"What else then?" I asked.

"I have assigned this book as a reading assignment for my students. It has produced some great class discussion. I had no idea about the truth within the plot and characters until I talked to Bella. She somehow found out."

"But she didn't tell me!" I snapped.

"I know, I know." She put her hand on my shoulder. "I think she saw the way you and Jacob interacted with one another, how much you hated each other, and thought this news would drive you both insane. She wouldn't want to have two important people in her life freaking out on her.

"So she wanted us to hear about it how many hundreds of miles away?" asked Jake. For once, the wolf was actually making sense.

"Please. Calm down," said Aunt Mary. "I wanted you two to talk to my students and answer some of their questions. Since you two have only heard about this now, I'm assuming you haven't read the book or its sequels."

"Right," commented Jake.

"Is that a problem?" I asked.

"No," Aunt Mary assured me. "You'll just tell your side of the story."

"Okay."

"So…will you do it?"

"Sure."

We didn't have a choice really. We just went with it. Jake and I followed Aunt Mary into her classroom, and what we saw surprised us both.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, that's right. Screaming fan girls. As far as the eye could see. This was just like Beatle Mania in the '60s. Ugh, I hate '60s music.

Anyway…

Every girl had some sort of "I Love Twilight" t-shirt on. I particularly like the "Team Edward" shirts. It's great to be loved.

"Girls, settle down," said Aunt Mary.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I love you, Edward!" shouted one girl.

"Cullens 4Ever!" read one poster.

"Marry me, Edward!" shouted another girl.

Then, I saw a shirt that sort of freaked me out: "Kiss Me, I'm Bella."

"Edward?" asked Jacob, trying to get his question in over the noise.

"What?" I asked back.

"How come you get all the fan girls?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't I have any?"

"I don't know."

Jacob's Point of View

"I don't know."

Is that the only response I can get out of him? Geez. Not only that, but Aunt Mary is already favoring him over me. Why? Am I _that_ horrible? I don't think I'm bad looking. I do have rock hard abs after all. Plus, when Eddie (yes, I called him Eddie because Grandpa needed a new, hip makeover with the name) and I walked in, girls were going crazy. I thought at least half of that was for me. Nope, all for the vampire. WHY?! I wonder what's in that book that made all the girls go for _him_…

"Please, Edward," I pleaded. "How do I get some of the fan girls on my side?"

"Umm…" he thought about it. "Try singing something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know…anything."

Thanks a lot for your help. Great. Umm…I got it!

"I think I have it," I told him.

"Go for it," he suggested.

"Alright then."

I cleared my throat.

_I like big butts  
__And__ I cannot lie  
__And you other brothers can't deny  
__When a girl walks in  
__With an itty bitty waist  
__And a round thing in __yo__' face  
__You get SPRUNG!_

Cricket, cricket. That was all that I heard after that.

"I don't think that's how you do it," whispered Edward.

Well, thank you, Captain Obvious.

"Well," began Dr. Swan (I refuse to call her Aunt Mary since _I'm_ not the one joining the family – hmph, hmph). "As you can see today, we have two very special guests for today's lecture: Edward Cullen and Jacob Black."

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The girls were at it again.

"Settle down, everyone."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"Hush or the guys will leave!"

Dead silence.

"Okay. As I was saying before, our guests are here today to answer any questions you might have after reading the _Twilight_ series. Now, one at a time, raise your hand, and I will call on you to speak."

The girls raised their hands. Dr. Swan called on one.

"Hi, guys. I'm Christine," introduced one girl. "This question is for Edward. Boxers or briefs?"

I heard girls giggling in the background.

"Well…" The bloodsucker had a smirk on his face. "I think I'll leave it up to your imagination."

"Oww oww!" hooted some girls in the back.

How come everything he says or does gets the girls swooning? I don't get it. Really. Are they all into old farts?

More hands went up, and Dr. Swan picked someone else.

"Hi, boys," boomed the voice of one girl. Her voice was very deep. When I tried to look through the crowd to see who was talking, I saw her. It was a she-man! And she was wearing an "I love Jacob Black" t-shirt, too! Ahhhh!!

"My name is Louise. This question is for Jacob. Do you have a girlfriend right now?"

Should I lie or tell the truth? Because it looks like the she-man is checking me out.

"Uhh…"

Edward just _had _to answer the question for me. "He's very much single, Louise."

"Will you go out with me?!" she…he…shim begged.

Oh my gosh, I was just asked out by a she-man. How can it get any worse than this?

I spat out my answer. "No."

"But Jacob – "

Luckily, Dr. Swan came to my rescue. "Next question!"

I could tell Edward was laughing.

"That's what you get for wanting fan girls," he whispered to me, chuckling.

"I hate you."

"If I had $1 every time you told me that or thought that, I'd be richer than Bill Gates."

"I hate you."

"That's $2 right now…"

We had more questions, and when I say we, I really mean Edward. Everyone's so obsessed with him. Except for Louise, the she-man. Gosh, it really looks like she has a beard. Eventually, the period was over, so the question and answer segment had to end.

"Let's give a round of applause for our guests," said Dr. Swan.

Yet another round of screams came. The girls all left except Louise.

"C'mon, Jacob," she/he said. "I know you want me." The she-man was coming closer to me.

"Uhh...no!" I backed up. A little help here….please…anybody!

"Are you afraid of commitment?"

"Uhh…"

"Yes, he is," interrupted Edward.

"What the- "

"I'm sorry, Louise, but I'm afraid Jacob here is a bit traumatized from today's experience. So I would suggest that you keep a far distance from him just in case he goes into shock."

"But he can't! I'm just so beautiful that he can't!"

I'm gonna puke!

"Please, Louise. For your safety and the others around you, just leave."

"But-"

"You don't want us to phase into our dangerous sides, do you?"

The shim was getting scared now and shook her/his head. "No."

"Then go."

Louise ran out of the room and was gone.

I breathed heavily. "Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it," he said.

"You didn't have to do it."

"Uh, yeah, I did."

"What?"

"It's in the treaty."

"Huh?"

"Didn't you read the fine print?"

I glared at him. He was getting back at me for making fun of him early about not reading the fine print. He was laughing.

"C'mon, Jake. Let's go to our other destination."

So we walked back to the Volvo when all of a sudden the fan girls who were in the room with us earlier brought their friends and started walking towards us.

"It's them!" shouted one girl.

Then a mob of girls started running after us.

"Quick. RUN!" shouted Edward.

I ran as fast as I possibly could without phasing into my wolf form. Edward ran with lightning speed. He was there much sooner than I was. Darn you, vampires, and your running ability! Not only am I jealous of him because of Bella but because of something else. UGH! What's becoming of me?

"Fasten your seat belt," he instructed me. "This is gonna be a wild ride."

He slammed on the gas pedal as the mob of girls ran for us. Some of them got in their cars and slammed on their gas pedals, too. Oh, how are we gonna get out of this alive? (And to think we could potentially die from fan girls and not each other…)

* * *

**Author's Note:** The song mentioned here is "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot. Check out the video sometime if you have the chance. It's hilarious.

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	4. The Chase

I am so terribly sorry for the long delay in updates. School's been occupying my life. It's quite sad actually. Three words: I. HATE. CHEMISTRY. :P I didn't forget about you all. I just want to say thank you to all of you who have read, reviewed, and favorited. You are awesome!

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Chapter 4: The Chase 

Edward's Point of View

I stepped on the gas pedal and sped off. Some of the fan girls were trying to catch up to us. I had no idea girls could drive so fast; yeah, things have changed a bit since 1901. Just a little bit.

"So, Eddie," began Jacob, trying to strike a conversation in the middle of chaos.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I interrupted before he could go anywhere with that. "_Eddie_?"

"Yeah. You need to be hip, man."

Oh boy. "If you haven't noticed, we're being chased by fan girls. Now is not the time to experiment with nicknames!"

"Okay, okay. Chill, man."

I shook my head. "Do you wanna get killed by a mob of strange women?"

"Umm…no, but at least they're better than a she-man."

"You got a point there." I hated to admit that.

We were driving around for awhile, and we lost some of our followers. A pesky few managed to remain. It was getting late, and we still couldn't get rid of them.

"Edward, we need to do something," Jacob pleaded.

"Like what?" I asked. "Do you have any bright ideas?"

"Hmm…" He thought about it for a second. "How about we crash a frat party and try to blend in until they're gone?"

"Crash a frat party? _Us_?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know what goes on at frat parties?"

"Yeah. Booze, beer pong, shots, girls-"

"Like we can fit in. We're not members of the actual fraternity, we're technically not old enough to drink – I'm just talking about the age listed on my driver's license here, and we don't even go school here!"

"I think it's about time I give you a mini lesson in frats."

Great.

"Alright," I said. "Let's hear it."

"You see," he began. "People from other colleges – and even people who don't even go to college – often go to these parties. As long as you bring the beer, you're good to go, except we can't get a hold of some."

_As long as you bring the beer, you're good to go. _I think I have an idea of my own.

"I think I know how we can blend in," I said.

"How?" Jacob asked.

"We can trick them."

"By what?"

"You see, as vampires, we specialize in forging stuff. If we can get a few cases of root beer and change the labels, they won't know the difference."

"Wait. You can forge stuff?"

"Yeah."

"That's awesome! But…how are you so sure they won't know the difference?"

"You told me yourself that there's plenty of beer there. And according to typical fraternity boy stereotypes, they can't stop at just one. Therefore, they'll be too wasted to know any better. You got that?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I got that."

"Good."

I noticed that I had a pretty sizable lead over the remaining pack of fan girls and quickly pulled into a shopping center parking lot.

"Jacob, stay here and lock the door," I instructed. "I'll be back in a few seconds."

"Umm…ok."

And with that, I was off. True to my word, I was back in a few seconds with three cases of root beer.

"Nice," commented Jake as he unlocked the door to let me in. "Now how are you gonna forge this?"

"Watch and learn," I stated with a slight smirk. With a blink of an eye, all the bottles, including the box, had a Budweiser label on them.

"Geez, you're good," he said with resentment in his voice.

I already knew that, Wolf Boy.

I stepped on the gas again and headed to the nearest fraternity house. Sure enough, Jake and I were easily let in to the house.

"We got more beer, bros!" shouted one wasted guy to his wasted buddies.

"This is too easy," Jacob said to me.

A few girls tried to hit on us. They weren't my type. They could have been Jacob's type, but they were too uncoordinated. However, before Jacob could do anything, I noticed something shiny from the outside. It was moving really fast, and it looked vaguely familiar. I heard lots of laughing, and I saw vague figures in the distance. Before I knew it, my Volvo was gone from the lot.

"Jacob, the girls stole our car!" I shouted.

"What the-?" he shouted back.

We immediately ran outside. I could still smell the burning rubber from the fast getaway.

"Now what do we do?" Jacob asked.

"Go after them. Duh!" I snapped. "It was your bright idea to do this in the first place!"

"Sorry! But you were the one who agreed to go along with it."

True. He got me there.

"How do we go after them without a car?" he asked.

"There's only one way to do that," I replied.

Before he could ask another question, I picked out the red Mercedes convertible in the lot and lifted the hood.

"You know how to hotwire this thing?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "Don't you know how?"

"I do, but I'm not fast enough." Actually, I wanted to be nice and let him feel like he was doing something important.

Jacob quickly hotwired the car, and I jumped into the driver's seat while Jake happily accepted shot gun. I stepped on it and hoped that I could get my Volvo back. After all, making this trip in my Volvo was part of the treaty to begin with. If we don't get it back, we're doomed.

Fifteen minutes later, I saw the license plate to my car and caught up to the girls.

"Cut them off!" yelled Jacob.

"I'm working on it!" I yelled back.

It didn't take much. I knew there wasn't much gas left in the tank, and they eventually came to a stop. I cut in front of them and swerved around. Jacob and I got out of the car, and we knocked on the driver's side window. The driver rolled down her window.

"Excuse me, ladies," I began, "but I would like to get my vehicle back."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" they screamed.

"Like, oh my gosh, Edward Cullen is talking to us!" exclaimed one of the girls in the back seat.

"It's not funny," I commented. "It's illegal to steal someone else's car."

"We wanted to meet you," said another girl.

"That's not how you do it," said Jacob, imitating my harsh tone. "You don't steal a guy's car to talk to him. Actually when you do that, he's likely to never talk to you again and possibly hit you with a lawsuit."

"Oh." It was like some major revelation to them. Personally, I thought it was common sense.

"Look," I said. "The reason why Jacob and I were out here in the first place was because Carlisle and Sam made a new treaty requiring us to travel cross country. And we desperately need this car. So…do you want us to violate this treaty and not have another sequel?"

"No…" I think it's working!

"So…can we have our car back?" asked Jacob.

"With some extra gas?" I added.

The driver looked at the other girls in the car. "One condition," she said.

"Name it," said Jake.

"You guys have to help us win a competition with our fellow Twilighters here on campus tonight."

I hesitated. "What kind?" I asked.

"We need to dress up and lip sync to a song."

Sounds easy enough.

"We'll do it," stated Jacob.

"Yay!"

For some reason, I didn't have a good feeling about this.

Jacob's Point of View

So we're one step closer to getting the Volvo back. And all we have to do is dress up and lip sync. Big deal.

Edward and I got back into the Mercedes and followed the girls to some house; I had no idea where we were. But as soon as we got there, I knew we were doomed.

"Hey, girls," greeted a girl. I assumed she was the organizer of the competition. "Your costumes are in the back." I also assumed that she didn't notice me and what's his face over here. Oh yeah…Edward…

"So, guys," began the main leader of our group, "we're lip syncing to the Spice Girls. I really hope you guys know them."

"Uh yeah," I sort of lied.

"Yeah, we know them," added Edward.

Crap. I know who they were; I just have no idea what the words were. But then again, most major pop stars have no idea what the lyrics to their own songs are, so I figured there'd be no problem. I really hope Eddie's good at improving.

The girls threw us our costumes, and as soon as I caught mine, Edward started laughing at me.

"Haha!" he laughed, looking at my brown wig and high heels. "You're Posh Spice!"

"And who are you?" I asked, bitter.

"I'm Scary Spice." He pointed to his 'fro.

Psh. "Lucky."

"Hey! At least you get David Beckham."

"And you had Eddie Murphy there for awhile."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

This is gonna get interesting.

So the five of us (the girls, Edward, and me) get up on the stage set up in front of a group of costumed fanatics (in a good way). The music starts playing, and that's when Eduardo and I let it all hang loose.

_Yo__, I'll tell you what I want, what I really __really__ want  
__So tell me what you want, what you really __really__ want  
__I'll tell you what I want, what I really __really__ want  
__So tell me what you want, what you really __really__ want  
__I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__ really  
__Really __really __wanna __zigazig__ ha. _

_If you want my future forget my past,  
__If you __wanna__ get with me better make it fast,  
__Now don't go wasting my precious time,  
__Get your act together we could be just fine _

_I'll tell you what I want, what I really __really__ want  
__So tell me what you want, what you really __really__ want  
__I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__, I __wanna__ really  
__Really __really __wanna __zigazig__ ha. _

_If you __wanna__ be my lover, you __gotta__ get with my friends,  
__Make it last forever; friendship never ends.  
__If you __wanna__ be my lover, you have got to give.  
__Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is. _

I started breaking dancing half way through the song 'cause I had no idea what I was doing. Apparently, the girls loved it. I wonder if they noticed anything funny since I am a guy and all. Either that or I bare a great resemblance to Posh Spice. Edward shocked us all by doing the worm and pulling off the moonwalk. And all this time I thought the guy was as dull as a doorknob.

As soon as we were done, the house erupted into a thunderous applause.

"WOOT!" cheered some girls in the back.

The organizer of the competition came up on stage. "Ladies, you have just seen the winners!"

"Alright! We won!" I exclaimed.

That's when I officially ruined it.

"Guys? You girls got _guys _to help you win?" questioned the organizer.

"Uh…yeah," said the leader of our group.

Crap. We're _never_ gonna get out of Santa Barbara, are we?

"Psst…" whispered another girl in our group.

"What?" Edward whispered back.

"Hurry up and follow me," she whispered.

"W-What?" I asked.

"Just hurry up because they're gonna hold you back!"

"Umm..okay."

Edward and I followed the girl outside, and she got a gas can. Edward lifted the cap to the gas tank on the Volvo.

"I don't think this will last you for a very long time, but at least you guys will be on your way," she said.

"Thanks," Edward said.

"No prob."

And with that, we were off on the freeway. Edward stepped on the gas, and we were out of Santa Barbara within a matter of minutes.

"That was a close one," I commented.

"Ya think?" Edward asked.

"Fan girls are dangerous."

"True, but let's face it. Whether we love 'em or hate 'em, they make us. They can either make you or break you."

"Yeah." Why does he have to be so smart? Oh wait, he's over 100 years old. Never mind. "So where are we headed off to?"

"No idea, but we now have a problem."

"What's that?"

"With this revelation by Aunt Mary, we're probably gonna get recognized anywhere we go."

"But those girls at the lip syncing competition didn't notice."

"They _did_."

"We're not counting how I blew it by opening my big mouth."

He laughed. Darn him! "I'm counting it."

"Thanks a lot."

"Don't mention it."

"So going back to the whole recognition thing…"

"Yes. We're going to need disguises." He looked to his left and noticed a gas station. "We can't go into any town in our normal appearances."

"Hmm…" I think I know how to spice things up. "We can totally be rappers and buy bling and act all gangsta like. You'll be E-Dawg, and I'll be J-Money!" He gave me a weird look, and it looked like his eyes were gonna pop out of his head. "Okay, fine. You can be E-Money, and I'll be J-Dawg."

Edward rolled his eyes. "_Us_ as gangsta rappers? You're serious?"

"It could totally work."

He laughed. "Right. Just make sure we're not in the hood, okay?"

"Fine."

He shook his head and pulled into the gas station to fill up the tank.

"But really," I said. "If we're doing the whole disguises thing, we could just paint you orange."

"Excuse me? Painting me orange?!"

"Many celebrities are into sunless tanning these days, and they all look orange. You can't even recognize them. It could work."

He thought about it for a second. "Actually, you might be right."

"Heh. I actually know something for once, huh?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you're thinking it, I bet."

"Don't tell me you werewolves have the power of mindreading, too. If so, we're gonna have to change all that."

"We don't. But admit it: I'm actually right for once."

He sighed. "Fine. You're right."

"Alright! I win!"

"Not for long."

"Hmph."

Edward paid for the gas and got back in the Volvo. We hit the road once again and called Bella to get the next destination for our little road trip.

* * *

Author's Note: The song used here is "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls. I can't believe it's been over ten years since they first made it big... 


End file.
